Long Overdue
April 24th, 2007 by Nancy ClevelandAnd it’s long-overdue! The owner of a Chicago bakery/coffee shop has finally taken a stand against unruly and obnoxiously-behaved children in his establishment:
Certainly, he’s not the first or only to do so…a number of eateries, from N. Carolina to Massachusetts, to California have taken similar steps, Dan McAuley’s is the one making the news. I, for one, am happy about it and hope to see more follow in his footsteps, mostly to just get the message across to parents that children are not disliked or unwanted as THEY take responsibility for their offspring’s behavior when in a public venue. Sure, young Mums want to take a break while shopping, relax over a meal, cup of coffee…chat with a friend they’ve arranged to meet…but none of those involve abdicating parental duties to the annoyance and discomfort of other patrons. It’s not the fault of child. Respect, manners, knowing how to behave appropriate to surroundings aren’t heredity or genetic…children have to be taught those things.
It’s a tough call to make, too. When you get a two-year old hanging over a booth, chattering as you…the non-parent…are eating it’s impossible not to be engaged and charmed. For the first few minutes. One expects the parent to then have the child turn round and sit down but, in recent years, this hasn’t been happening but rarely. Now enough restaurateurs are taking a stand and parents are taking umbrage, claiming to “be treated as a two-year old, themselvesâ€. Unfortunately, if this is their attitude then they deserve to be treated the age they are exhibiting. Having your young child join you over lunch, dinner or even a coffee-break is a great idea and excellent opportunity to teach them when and HOW to behave in a public place. Not only does it prevent personal embarrassment but, hopefully, instill a respect for the wishes of other diners.
A few weeks ago, a friend and I were seated for our usual Friday lunch. Directly behind me were two adolescents, one of whom had a cell phone with either downloaded game or music which he played, replayed and replayed back to back. We asked to be moved. We could have embarrassed the youths by asking them to turn it off…and probably been told what they thought of that idea in no uncertain fashion. That isn’t…wasn’t…our job to do. They were old enough to know how to conduct themselves in public. Being the age they were, it’s very possible that they had been taught but with no parent or adult around to remind them, they took advantage. On the other hand, it could just as easily have been they’d been allowed to run laps around a restaurant at two, crawl under another diner’s table at three and playing a game boy at seven. It’s difficult not to feel that such permissive parents feel they are entitled to relax whatever discipline they employ, ignore what their offspring are doing while enjoying their break. Perhaps other adults feel they have a similar entitlement which should be respected and if it takes the owner’s of an establishment to bring this to parents’ of young children’s attention, so be it. I say “Good for themâ€.
April 25th, 2007 at 8:44 am
Good post, Nancy, and bravo to the owner of that coffee shop. Children and teenagers today demonstrate in public the same lack of self discipline, manners and courtesy which they exhibit at home. Why would they act differently in public when they are obviously allowed to get away with disrespect, vulgarity and quasi barbarian behavior under their parents permissive eyes. Why would they want to respect others? There are no consequences.
As I am sure like yourself and others, a solid foundation of appropriate behavior was at the core of my upbringing, so by the time I was able to be brought to restaurants, theater and other public venues…I was well aware how to act and this included respect for my parents and those I came in contact with, be it the waitstaff or other patrons. Yes, as all children do, sometimes I got antsy (I still do on occasion), but my father had a look he gave me which translated to, “You have 10 seconds to make a positive adjustment.” They did not need to scream at me, nor did I get the back of a hand across my face. The LOOK spoke volumes, and if I didn’t comply, there were consequences when I got home, and this did not include any type of corporeal punishment.
Today, in a society where it is obvious that discipline on any level seems unacceptable, where parents are as afraid of their children as they would be of terrorists, (and refer to their children as such), it is now up to strangers, in this case the store owner, who must set forth rules for obnoxious youth. I’m sure it will be the parents of these ‘problem’ children who will be the first offended by these rules and spend as much time as possible fighting those rules, even quoting amendment rights, where they should have spent similar time properly rearing their offspring.
April 25th, 2007 at 10:21 am
I well know “that look”, Ronr! Even when I was as tall as my father, “that look” spoke volumes and, in my eyes, made him a giant…and myself thoroughly chastised. Not only chastised but ashamed of whatever I had done for him to give it me. And never a hand or voice raised…not even a word spoken. We were not ‘perfect’ but we were well-aware of how, when and where the lines of respect, appropriate behaviour and manners were and especially if we crossed them.
April 25th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Nancy, I totally agree with the gist of your comments except for one: “We could have embarrassed the youths by asking them to turn it off…and probably been told what they thought of that idea in no uncertain fashion. That isn’t…wasn’t…our job to do.”
I subscribe to the concept that “It takes a village ….” Successful intervention depends on how one approaches the offending youths. Going back mainly to my educator experiences with youth, I found that most respond favorably to a polite but firm request, followed by an expression of appreciation when the change has been made. My priority is to try intervention first myself, then seek the intervention of the proprietors if needed. I cannot recall ever having to take the next step having failed with the first.
RonR, I relate to your upbringing experiences. That said, there are still plenty of parents who step up, step up to parenting challenges that have become increasingly more difficult because of the wide ranging influences to which our children are exposed. With this being coincident with more dual-parent wage earners, there is less parental influence on child behavior. It is all about priorities that relate to attitudes and values — they appear to have slipped a bit. Must we have that new car or that 52 inch plasma TV home theater set-up? Can we wait to buy the boat until after the children are grown and educated, out on their own? How about focusing on the family and values instead of the “Material World”.